A Crisis of Faith (In Myself)

I wonder what was that world I was dreaming of?

When I was young
I didn’t know if I was better off asleep or up
Now I’ve grown up
I wonder what was that world I was dreaming of?

I added search to the blog because I’m testing algolia, which so far is pretty amazing and solves a lot of the backend requirements for a little side project I’m working on.

In testing the search with random terms I was treated to a few very quick trips down memory lane. I discovered I used to write and I used to sing. I used to be so sure of things, so enthusiastic, so not beat down. I thought and felt things with the same intensity I do now, but the result was often a frantic creativity that came from a place of youthful confidence and an excess of available time.

The problem with aging is the way that over time questions increase and answers decrease.

This isn’t the kind of blog post that is going to help me get hired anywhere. Who wants a leader (or even just an employee) who pauses before speaking or acting, with the uncertainty experience breeds, who knows how much he doesn’t know? Is this what ageism is really about?

Youth is wasted on the young.

I want the energy I can feel in the words of that 27-year-old. I want that lack of doubt. I just wish it didn’t require the associated ignorance.

the wisdom of the wise will perish,
the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish #

The world is becoming an increasingly hostile place and more and more it seems that all there is to do is stand back and watch the arrogant, ignorant masses cut themselves to pieces. I’m sure they’ll find someone to blame when they find their hands covered in blood.

The mid-life crisis is for real, ya’ll, and my life expectancy must be 82. I’ll take it.