Daniel Miller

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I’m in here
Can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?
I’m in here, a prisoner of history
Can anybody help?
Can’t you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I’ve been waiting for
You to come rescue me
I need you to hold
All of the sadness I can not
Living inside of me. #

Life is hard. Relationships are hard. And then throw parenting on top of all of that and everything becomes almost impossible. You can drop the relationshiping, you can make the parenting become your life. But what if you’re unwilling or unable to take those options? You realize these lives you created are everything, but they rely on this life you still have, still try to hold on to. But it slips away, squeezed out by the school schedules and soccer games and dance recitals and dentist appointments and wet beds and the work that pays for it all. Months end and all you can think is that you survived that month, and months become years. You take your pills every day and try to ride your bike as often as possible to keep your head above water but you realize all you’re doing is keeping your head above water. You’re desperate for connection, for creativity, for that life you traded for all of this.

You wake up at 4am and get a couple hours of quiet. At least by yourself you can connect to the world. You watch a short documentary. You listen to some music. You listen to some music by friends still making music. You remember a recording a friend sent you recently, he was rehearsing one of your songs for his upcoming tour. The song is appropriate for this moment. It makes your heart smile ever so slightly. There’s still the tiniest amount of smoke rising out of last night’s fire.

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