Thursday, October 25, 2001 10:58 AM A day off from being a week in on 'Europe-Fall01' and I thought I'd take some inventory: Music brought for the soundtrack to UF01, but almost never listened to because radio in Europe is really good and whatever is on the radio over here always becomes our soundtrack for that trip (for example our Bravo double CD from our spring trip 01): 1. U2 - All that you can't leave behind 2. Nelly Furtado - Whoa, Nelly! 3. Joey McIntyre - Meet Joe Mac 4. David Gray - White Ladder 5. Five For Fighting - America Town 6. Jeffrey Gaines - self titled 7. Christopher Williams - One man service station 8. Over the Rhine - Films for radio 9. and a lot of mp3's :) Things just plain forgotten: 1. Power adapter, without which computer no good. Solution: our hosts Maria and Peter went and got one for us. 2. Floppy disk, for transferring journal from computer to internet-connected computer. Solution: no problem, floppies laying about. 3. Cotton balls. Solution: makeup remover cotton thingies approx. 50 cents for big package in Slovakia. 4. European Road Atlas. Solution: bummed one. 5. Invisible Monsters book. Wanted to read it on this trip. Darn. Solution: maybe I'll get through my library book instead. 6. Anti-itch cream. Reason: it's cold here, no sweating, no itching, me thought. Facts: under blanket at night still sweat like crazy, even thought w/o blanket you freeze; still sweat carrying luggage all over London in the tubes, which feel like 100 degrees F at all times! Other statistics: 1. Small packages of Kleenex gone through week one: 2-3 2. Zinc tablets: 1/day 3. On second pair of jeans. 4. Days leather jacket needed thus far: 2 5. Projected future use of leather jacket: 100% 6. Full meals actually paid for: 1 7. Meat intake increase: 500% 8. Magazine purchases: 2, both for Daniel 9. Bed making time per day: down 100% 10. Time wondering why the rest of the world hasn't figured out to do bed linens in the European way: up 100% Miriam has these cards that on one hand are kind of cheesy but on the other hand are totally cool. I like things like that. Here's what they say: <blockquote> How to be an artist Stay loose. Learn to watch snails. Plant impossible gardens. Invite someone dangerous to tea. Make little signs that say Yes! and post them all over your house. Make friends with freedom and uncertainty. Look forward to dreams. Cry during movies. Swing as high as you can on a swingset, by moonlight. Cultivate moods. Refuse to "be responsible." Do it for love. Take lots of naps. Give money away. Do it now. The money will follow. Believe in magic. Laugh a lot. Celebrate every gorgeous moment. Take moonbaths. Have wild imaginings. Transformative dreams. And perfect calm. Draw on the walls. Read everyday. Imagine yourself magic. Giggle with children. Listen to old people. Open up. Dive in. be free. With everything. Entertain your inner child. You are innocent. Build a fort with blankets. Get wet. Hug trees. Write love letters. </blockquote> I've had some time to consider all the things I love about Miriam lately. There have been plenty of beautiful women cross my path on this trip. Any trip to Bratislava has that result. But every day I'm with Miriam, I realize a little more how perfect she is for me. How much I truly love her personality. How beautiful she is. She got hit on yesterday! How funny. How much I trust her. How much we compliment each other. Life is good sometimes. Like now. Peace to you and love one another. 6615438daniel millerThursday, October 25, 2001publishWednesday, October 24, 2001 2:00 PM More thoughts on Vaux (www.vaux.net) last Sunday. Refreshing. Joy-inducing. Validating. It was so great to be with people who immediately understood where we were coming from. Who immediately had knowledgeable responses to what we were talking about. Hopefully we too provided a little insight into what things are like in the States. But the ideas that flowed were tr� cul. So many amazing things and ideas. Someone who was working on non-linear processing. Another who works with a company in the States boxing up the labyrinth project. Felt his struggles with the marketability of such a thing, but also the joys of royalty checks. Had an amazing worship time and just a quiet reflective and peaceful time. Miriam balled like crazy. I had a million inspiring thoughts. Then we just kinda hung out and next thing you know we've been talking for another hour and we're going to the pub with the core group of people, still just talking about what they all are doing and what we're trying to do, etc., etc. Have I used the word great a lot yet? More thoughts from being at Miriam's grandparents (maternal) yesterday. I realized, truly realized, the truth about possessions, materialism, greed and money. In a story. We showed up and grandfather (star� otec or just otec�pronounced oh-chetz) was asleep, so first we only surprised grandmother. I don't think she shows much drama anyway, so it was hard to gauge her shock level at seeing us show up at her door. But we helped her with drying the dishes and dumping outside the dirty dishwater (major old school, heat the water on the stove and then dump it outside-gotta love it!). And as I came inside, there was otec standing at the top of the stairs (this is a short flight of about three stairs that go down to the kitchen). He looks at me (I'm assuming he didn't see Miriam and grandmother walk by just a few seconds before me) with this look of shock and I say, "Ahoy!" And he goes "You're a miracle!" It is hard to describe the subtle sensitivities of otec's humor but suffice it to say that it was very, very funny. Soon we were sitting again in the kitchen with both otec and grandmother, and he was asking us, "Are you on your way to heaven?" Again there was a subtle element of humor to his comment, but at the same time he had a point (or two). He is old, finds it very hard to breathe an increasing majority of the time; he gets fluid in his lungs and has to take a diuretic medication every day to prevent them from completely filling up and suffocating�however this is apparently the way which his body will finally fail him, and the apparent imminence of this event is the reason for our visit this fall. Indeed, he said "It is so great for us to see each other again while we are still alive." (Remember I'm writing all this from Miriam's translations to me on the fly, so you have to imagine him speaking in Slovak to us.) So he's asking us "Are you on your way to heaven," I think, partly because he is old and thinks about death a lot himself, and because of our surprise thinks maybe it really is just a miracle that we're appearing in his kitchen. However he's much more lucid than that. He had a more powerful message to deliver. He says that the Bible says that it is harder for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to gain the kingdom of heaven. He said that it is good that we came to Slovakia because it will be easier now for us to get to heaven now that we're with the poor people, so to speak. (Again remember I'm going from the memory of a translation here, but my point is what I learned yesterday and its profundity.) 8:36 PM �just had a great time in Bratislava that I'll have to catch you up on as soon as I finish that last story� He told us this joke/story about two priests in Slovakia. One was named Hlinka and the other Tiso. Hlinka died somewhat earlier than Tiso. He arrived at the gates of heaven, and was denied entry. As he stood there at the gates of heaven wondering what to do, a dirty beggar came to the gates. He knocked at the gates and they asked, "Who's there?" The beggar said, "A beggar," and they let him right in. A next begger came before the gate. Before he went inside, however, priest Hlinka told him, "You can't go into heaven in those clothes! Here, we'll exchange clothes," and proceeded to switch his nice clothes for the beggar's rags. Hlinka knocked once more at the gates. From inside came, "Who's there?" He said, "A beggar," and they let him right in. As soon as he got inside, Hlinka looked frantically for a telephone. As soon as he found one, he called down to Bratislava to his friend Tiso and said, "Make sure no-one in Slovakia has any money-only beggars get into heaven!" {a little Slovak history for those of you who might not know for whatever reason ;) - Hlinka and Tiso were actually both priests and both became government officials in Slovakia before WWII. Tiso was president during the time that Slovakia was a fascist state, just before and during WWII (under Hitler). It was during and after his time that things really went downhill.} So here we are tonight and we just happened to see three people who live away from Bratislava but were all in town for some business of another. This was great for us, because now that's two towns, both two hours from Bratislava, that we do not have to drive to. The conversation and company was fantastic with both Samuel Lacho and the Maria and Peter Wiesner. They're some of our dearest friends in all of Slovakia. I said after dinner with Maria and Peter, all my favorite people are in Slovakia, so we have to move here! We talked about how in my dream life we live in Europe and live off of my songwriting (and other writing and things). They said it was closer than we think. I love that. That they would say that. That they would make my heart soar. { "�you may call it an unreasoning optimism, you may call it obtuse; but the fact of the matter is we have�three days�to reach that treasure�" } It's funny that culturally, people here are more beat down, hopeless, and lacking a basic integrity that generally grows with a sense of hope (easily seen as a direct result of the communist reign of 40 plus years�actually we just had a long conversation with our hosts Maria and Peter Figura about Slovak history and suffice to say it's complicated, and very interesting!). But the exceptions are so exceptional! They have so much life, love, hope, joy, and they infect those around them with the same. The future and the life of this place is wrapped up in a small percentage of highly trained and covert subversives. 6588060daniel millerWednesday, October 24, 2001publishhey i'm exceptionally short on time this time but here goes last night. vaux in london. a freaking mazing. you guys there are amazing. we loved every minute of it. we got to talk with a bunch of the people behind it afterward and it was the most refreshing night in a very very long time for both miriam and i. it was so great to be able to attend something and receive from the service as opposed to worry about how it's going or at least having put all the work into already. it was so relaxing and deep and all those things that we need and long for and just don't get very often. the service was on gift. well, vaux, you all were an amazing gift to us. your auras shone bright and we basked in the light like two wilted plants that left green and shining once again. thanks to all. we wish we could be with you more often. we're in slovakia today and it's been great. the weather is unusually warm here, which means just absolutely perfect for us. jeans and tee shirt weather. a nice cul breeze. wow. we haven't seen any family yet, so the surprises are still in store. i will let you know how that goes starting tomorrow. nobody knows we're here. love europe. love people. love god. in his peace, daniel 6531758daniel millerMonday, October 22, 2001publishhey all i'm really short on time but here's a quick note. first of all: british fucking airways. ok that's unfair. nothing about air travel has changed in recent months. it still sucks. they still expect 5' nuthing people to sit in those horrible seats. its still a bear, meaing you have to fucking bear it but its well worth it once yer here. london has been great as always. not too cold not too hot. lots of culture to soak in even it you're just walking down the street hearing all the different languages and seeing all the different styles. tonight we're going to vaux which i'm very excited about. more later. only thing is i have'nt had curry or fish and chips yet! what the? we went to this terrible mexican place last night (planned by somebody else, of course) and we're only here two nights after all. tonight we're not really hungry after a late lunch with the wonderful people we stayed with last night, but we might grab some fish and chips on the way home from vaux if we're hungry. really looking forward to slovakia and will of course have lots of time there for this sort of thing. cheers! daniel 6504637daniel millerSunday, October 21, 2001publishtoday we leave for europe. for those of you who for some unfortunate reason stumble on this little corner of the huge world of cyberspace, I will try to keep this space updated as freqently as possilble on the weird and or otherwise interesting happenings of our little tiny journey. cheers. 6457585daniel millerFriday, October 19, 2001publishTonight I consumed. I ate my friends food, I drank their wine, I smoked their cigs, I drank their coffee. And left without even so much of a thank you. So thanks. I mean that. Really. It looks like I might actually accomplish things that had to be done before I left before I leave. I'm not so stressed. Maybe it was the consuming. Maybe it's blind faith. Maybe I'm just not going to fall for the world's tricks anymore. Everything's going to work out. We're not going to die from poverty. Ha that's laughable in this country. We scoff that things here might become as dangerous as they have been in the rest of the world for a very long time. We scoff because death has come into our lives just as vividly as it used to be 50, 100 yrs ago, or is in the aformentioned rest of the world. Everybody asks what I think about this new war with bin laden. I still think the same as I did the day after it all happened, when the emotions were still running like fluid, when the gigantic hole in the collective conscious of this hemisphere was still sucking our spirits out. That is, there is no meaning. There is no such thing as meta meaning. God is not meta meaning. God does not creat meta meaning. We do not create meta meaning for or of God. There are little scraps of sanity that we can keep in our cupboards of life. Cheers and I'll see you on the other side of the pond. 6449836daniel millerThursday, October 18, 2001publishok i'm not going to be discouraged i'm not going to be discouraged 6408246daniel millerWednesday, October 17, 2001publish<a href="http://www.bornmagazine.org/mother.html">Born Magazine: Design and Literature Collaboration</a> 6407788daniel millerpublishWhy are christians pricks? Just wondering. I realized the problem with being an artist. You are selling yourself, and selling requires the absorbtion of a lot of rejection. I don't even think it matters that the work is close to my heart or my creation or anything. I would hate selling if I was selling vacuum hoses. I can't stand the rejection. One "no" a day and I'm wiped out emotionally. Here's the timeline. Last night Thursday the date and time for Hate Mail was set. Friday was a wash day in creating graphics and press release wordings. The weekends are always a wash. Monday for me was a bad day for other reasons, and unfortunately in my experience those bad unproductive days don't always fall on the weekend. I hate that. At any rate, chaulk that one up to not being perfectly tough or whatever. So yesterday was my first real day to find some supporters. I'm not asking for much at all, really. One computer and some flyers. Actually I called people about computers on Friday and there were some positive people, although they didn't have any hardware laying about. At any rate. Maybe it's been the in-person approach. I'll stick to phone sales. But anyway, I just realized that an artist is really just a salesperson. And that sucks. Cus I'm no saleman. On other notes. Oh wait this is all I'm doing. 6406629daniel millerpublishlife sucks sometimes too. who can be an artist? people living off a trust? really excited still about dada showing. got some pictures done today. getting graphics done tomorrow. leaving town friday so no pressure or anything. just realized that i will probly lose money on this show. but oh well. wouldn't be a big deal if i had money coming in from somewhere (jerk offs at the old company probly haven't even sent my check yet for that last gig...even though it's been the month). just that this thing has taken 40 hr weeks for a few weeks now and i am only going to lose money on it. so people who laughed or didn't get our support thingie, well, figure it the f**k out! ok that enough. thanks for letting me go off. not that you're reading this or anything. i love you. ha ha. ok that's enough. cheers. 6389840daniel millerTuesday, October 16, 2001publishhey everyone it's been awhile since i blogged. i'm really stoked with life and coffee right now so excuse the exclamations. not that anyone is reading this anyway. this is for me. and you if you're reading. i am really trying to be profound or at least give you a glimpse (sp?) into a journey. last night i auditioned to play drums in a band that is right up my alley. very groove oriented. fusioneske. reggee beats. plays out already at good clubs. my age. mature people. want to succeed. want to make it. can make it. talented. needless to say i fit right in. hee hee. anyway i'm buzzing from the opportunity. i'm missing the chance to play a very big gig with them because of the europe trip, but that came along well before this. i just met them thursday night when i was at dada's arranging the hate mail installation there for november 15-17(!!!!!!!!!). they were playing there that night. actually my first gig with them, if all goes well, will be the 15th! so i'll have my premier showing there at dada's, and also the same night my premier with this band! the band is called yoko theory. no web presence yet but i will have to remedy that when the time comes. still working on my own project, too. slow going as always. playing out a bit more as well as checking out the growing scene down here. i remember three years ago you couldn't beg a gig or an open mic out of any establishment. well it seems the people have revolted because there is tons of great acts and great venues now. saw three acts last week at three great venues and seeing another this afternoon. playing an open mic almost every tuesday in west palm. it's great. i hope this drumming gig works out because i really believe in it. the starts seem to be aligned in its favor. it looks like the sale of the house will be final this week. we also hopefully got a good credit check and will have an apartment set for when we move out of here. we're moving to hypoluxo, on the intracostal, a 5 min bike ride to the beach. it's a great little community and we're very excited. Miriam started the downsizing/simplification process this weekend and we have a great room full of stuff we're selling/getting rid of. friends have started to come by to pick stuff up. after we get back from europe we will do a proper garage sale. but damn it feels good to shed. excuse the typos but i have no time! ciao. i love you all. 6329879daniel millerSunday, October 14, 2001publish<a href="http://hatemail.blogspot.com">Hate Mail</a> is going to be shown at Dada! More info -dates, etc.- to come. A lot is going on as of late. Today we found an apartment. The closing on the house is nov 30. So the journey will have a new headquarters and will be simplified greatly! Major garage sales imminent. Check out this guy: <a href="http://www.midon.com/">Raul Midon</a>. We saw him last night in Miami at a benefit concert and are hoping to catch him again this weekend! He's a-freaking-amazing! More great links to come. 6253591daniel millerThursday, October 11, 2001publishRain today. When I was actually working outside! Jeesh. Still working on all the same stuff. Hate Mail has obsessed me, fulfilled me, and practically institutionalized me all in the same breath. Crazy. Hopefully not me, literally... Life is good sometimes, isn't it? Lord, please be right about not worrying about tomorrow, about the birds having enough to eat, etc. I don't know if You noticed, but we're not birds. We sometimes think about being able to eat tomorrow. Faith? Oh, right... 6132560daniel millerFriday, October 05, 2001publishSold the house two days ago. One less thing. But in some ways more things. But we'll deal I suppose. Helps the finances during this time of small income...little less stress there... Killing myself over Hate Mail. Good sometimes not so good at others. Need coffee. Ciao. 6104841daniel millerThursday, October 04, 2001publishWoke up: 8:10 Got out of bed: 8:20 Saw Miriam and realized life is great: 8:10:02 Shorts: White, TJMax Shirt: green, "gecko San Fransisco" curtesy the Greenes Shoes: old trainers Watch: ironman i've had for 10 years. on second battery. Things to do: find picture of house for realtor; put bikes together; pull weeds on one "flower" bed; spread mulch in the same; detail M's car; update hope against hope so blogger posts go right onto page; finish hate mail; practice songs for open mic tomorrow in west palm; burn cd's; clean desk; map out non-lin pert charts for writing due: for conference in Europe, for worshipleader magazine, for next-wave mag; non-lin pert for grad school apps; finish recording two tunes started so far; lots more; gotta go 6033621daniel millerMonday, October 01, 2001publishWe're about creating meanings but their usually free and of little use these days. We're about beauty but no-one seems really interested in that anymore. We're about stories but we don't tell them in two hours in an air conditioned warehouse with Stadium Seating and "fresh buttered" popcorn so we're not popular enough to garner 9 bucks from every person we want to tell them to. We're about seeking but we don't talk about being saved or how many people gave their heart to jesus tonight or how many bibles we gave out on the street today so we can't ask for a tithe. 6001849daniel millerSaturday, September 29, 2001publishseeking, stories, beauty, meaning. Beautiful stories with meaning. Meaningful beauty within a story. complete integration of life, worship...eye, ear...mind, soul...crying and laughing before the tear hits your upper lip... never talking about God again but talking about God every minute for the rest of our lives...saying horrendous and beautiful in the same breath...frying up new constellations in the little dipper...creating metal sculptures with lightning rods on top because lightning always seems so beautiful but so far away... wishing you peace but knowing that might not be the best thing for you right now...saying you're beautiful even if I can't see it right now because I know that I should...making you close your eyes because it's not so much what you see through that hole in the fence as much as it is what that hole feels like as you grop for it... 6001359daniel millerpublishLyrics from Five For Fighting's new record... 5992996daniel millerpublishAlright I Took her leaving like I did before I Turned around and I asked for more And she didn�t even mean a thing to me I Left my spirit at the chapel door I Sailed around til I lost the war And you didn�t even think to send a thing But I�m alright, alright, I feel alright I never been better in my life You know the score I�m just fine, I�m fine, feeling fine A regular sawed off valentine That nothing more I Hit my head upon the chamber door And all the marbles rolled on the floor And all the pyschos in the ward start screaming� I�m alright, alright, I feel alright I never been better in my life You know the score I�m just fine, I�m fine, feeling fine A regular sawed off valentine That nothing more My Baby I�m alright, alright, I feel alright I never been better in my life You know the score I�m just fine, I�m fine, feeling fine A regular sawed off valentine That nothing more 5992994daniel millerpublishIt's 8:05 on a Saturday morning and I'm up and alone. Miriam went this morning in the pouring rain to take the foreign service exam. It would be so great to see that dream of hers come true--to work in foreign countries; but what else could that mean? with embassies having been bombed in Africa and all the other turbulence around the world right now. How such events can shake an already shakey boat. We might actually sell the house. One less thing in the long term turns into a big thing in the short term, but it would save us a lot every month and give us the freedom to up and move at any time. My hand already hurts from typing. I typed alot yesterday and this keyboard isn't the best. I'm working on two computers and the one with the better keyboard is just too slow for this kind of thing (web apps). Anyway, how strange to be waving goodbye to Miriam at 7 o'clock in the morning in the pouring rain. A short prayer for mercy from God and then she was gone for the day. It's so dark out still. I can't believe it's 8 o'clock. Looks like it's going to be a very dark, very wet day. Thank God for a roof. May it hold up under this torrent. 5992989daniel millerpublishSuperman I can�t stand to fly I�m not that naive I�m just out to find The better part of me I�m more than a bird�I�m more than a plane More than some pretty face beside a train It�s not easy to be me Wish that I could cry Fall upon my knees Find a way to lie About a home I�ll never see It may sound absurd�but don�t be naive Even Heroes have the right to bleed I may be disturbed�but won�t you conceed Even Heroes have the right to dream It�s not easy to be me Up, up and away�away from me It�s all right�You can all sleep sound tonight I�m not crazy�or anything� I can�t stand to fly I�m not that naive Men weren�t meant to ride With clouds between their knees I�m only a man in a silly red sheet Digging for kryptonite on this one way street Only a man in a funny red sheet Looking for special things inside of me It�s not easy to be me. 5992964daniel millerpublishi've had so little time lately for meaningful things like this stream, but i'm taking a few minutes out right now, in the middle of a million other things, to update. i realized that i shouldn't let myself get ramped up by people telling me things about work, etc. i have to have faith and follow my dreams and take opportunities that are real and present themselves. i can be encouraged by all the contact i've had, but my true self will never be a job i do, it will be the life i lead; and in that sense i can't let myself be led around by this and that fear or excitement. but i'll take the excitement anyway... still unsure what the future holds, even the near future...gotta have a lot of faith and a lot of comfort with anxiety and continue to do the work...as many people have said, the universe will conspire in your favor... 5979763daniel millerFriday, September 28, 2001publishwell i haven't heard anything about getting a full time job back again, but i did hear more about consulting. and yesterday i was forwarded two job listings, one in SoFla and one in Belgium! so that's pretty cul. i'm still torn about all of this. 5935888daniel millerWednesday, September 26, 2001publishpre-shower: been reading online many many stories from the last two weeks. the impact will continue to come well into the future. my refuge is in my art and music...cheers,d 5906453daniel millerTuesday, September 25, 2001publishwell, i didn't do what i had to do but wish i didn't and i did what i was looking forward to. ht: 191cm wt: 91kg 5896167daniel millerMonday, September 24, 2001publishLittle tibits this morning: ht: 6'3" in meters: ?? wt: >200lbs kilos: ?? eyes: blue shirt: black shorts: tan sneakers: old watch: v old song going trough head: Bosson, "One in a Million" thing i have to do today that i wish i didn't: spread mulch and pull weeds thing i get to do today that i am looking forward to: messing with my new digital recorder and the song i tracked the other night end of this entry: now 5886105daniel millerpublishLots of good stuff going on in this stupid little head. See also: <a href="http://hopeagainsthope.blogspot.com">meaning in tragedy</a> See also: <a href="http://hatemail.blogspot.com">hate mail in process</a> See also: <a href="http://nonlinear.blogspot.com">my artisitic/intellectual/business prop.</a> See also: <a href="http://danielsjourney.blogspot.com">danielsjourney dot com news. ok nothing new here yet. you got me.</a> yesterday drove down A1A from Ft. Laud to South Beach Miami. Had never been there before so it was interesting. I only found two things to take pictures of, though. As it is, though, unless I go by a junkyard or something, I'm going to have to use the shots I have for hate mail. I have enough, though, I think. I took each one very intentially and have been creating pages for the shots even before I took the film out of the camera this morning. 5872713daniel millerSunday, September 23, 2001publish