one last thingThe integration research site has been recently updated, in case ya hadn't noticed. It will be updated exponetially more over the coming months. I'll be sure to be talking it up here. Link in the menu there. Also I have an email signup thingie over there too. Special goodies will be shared only with peps on that list. Thanks to those who have signed up and I'll be sending out the first goodness in a couple weeks.170Minutiadaniel2003-12-08T03:45:50+00:00publishrunning and waitingI am disappearing for one week, to a secret country retreat &lt;scottish accent&gt;known as the meadows&lt;/scottish accent&gt;, to fast and pray, and wait. I will be offline in every sense of the word. I'm also dismantlinig this site again, again daring myself to recode it. It probably will not be reassembled before I come back, but hopefully soon thereafter. <a href="http://www.vaux.net/LitWM.htm">Waiting</a>. Yes, that is appropriate this time of year. <blockquote>...when we stop and do nothing we begin to traverse the long distance between the head and the heart. we begin to notice our experience of life - the motivations and forces that drive our activities. it is difficult to stop and sit still before god...</blockquote> <a href="http://jonnybaker.blogs.com/jonnybaker/2003/12/grid_blog_adven.html">#</a> <a href="http://www.plasticbag.org/archives/2003/12/david_shrigley_on_the_tube.shtml"><img src="images/shrigley.jpg" border="0" /></a>169Minutiadaniel2003-12-07T18:29:50+00:00publishi'm looking for<blockquote>i'm not looking for my intellectual equal... i'm looking for my emotional superior</blockquote> <a href="http://relaps.blogspot.com/">Justin</a>168Quotabledaniel2003-12-06T18:01:48+00:00publish{}<a href="http://oblivio.com/road/03120601.shtml">Oblivio.com:My K</a>167Elsewheredaniel2003-12-06T17:20:33+00:00publishvertical horizon -- goI'm violating my promise to only mention more-obscure artists here, but I've already gone back on the quality over quantity thing. A blog has as varied a life as the one who creates it, I guess. Vertical Horizon is, yes, a more mainstream band, but their new record seems to have missed most people's radar...which is to be expected as it is some of their best work since before they were signed. I assume VH is still paying off label debts at this point, so the sophmore release is critical to their longterm sustainability (although maybe not--they were around a long time before breaking, and so they probably were already sustainable and therefore in a good contractual situation). So hear me out, and if their kind of music is your bag, go get the disc. The thing about Go is its lyrical maturity, and specifically its relevance to themes in my own life. If Ohio is the anthem cry of one trying to save love, Go is the productive love-goes-on soundtrack (bit of a freudian there--I meant to type life-goes-on). The song that turned me on to this record, it is apparently on the radio in some limited fashion, is <a href="http://www.sing365.com/music/Lyric.nsf/I'm-Still-Here-lyrics-Vertical-Horizon/27D47D21A86B70C848256D8E00130F02">I'm Still Here</a>, although this doesn't really fall into the said category. This is the beginning of the journey, looking back down the road before spinning around the taking the first new steps onward. I was most struck by the last lines: <blockquote>Remember how you use to say I'd be the one to run away But I'm still here</blockquote> ...but the second verse and chorus are interesting as well: <blockquote>You've seen the ashes in my heart You smile the widest When I cry inside and my insides blow apart I tried to wear another face Just to make you proud Just to make you put me in my place But everything you wanted from me Is everything that I could never be The cities grow The rivers flow Where you are, I never know But I'm still here If you were right and I was wrong Why are you the one who's gone And I'm still here</blockquote> Matt Scannell and I seem to have had some similar experiences at least...but the better stuff is yet to come. <a href="http://www.sing365.com/music/Lyric.nsf/Goodbye-Again-lyrics-Vertical-Horizon/8E4A8F8C10FBE3A048256D8E0013024B">Goodbye Again</a>: <blockquote>Guess I don't know what's, left to say But hear me out All of the dreams of, yesterday Keep breaking me down What's on the outside, can you say Or am I getting carried away It's in your mind It's in your eyes So it's goodbye again It's way past time For one last try So it's goodbye again Goodbye... again I'm getting on, what's the use You know how I get I can't decide which is the truth At least not yet I got the feeling, it's you What can be said, alone in this room No... chorus Who wants you now? Maybe somebody else I'll wait around Maybe you'll forget you were ever here Maybe forget you were ever, never here</blockquote> <a href="http://www.sing365.com/music/Lyric.nsf/It's-Over-lyrics-Vertical-Horizon/CCCAF101059BF25048256D8E0012FA04">It's Over</a>, another one! This one, though, indicates the kind of idealistic love that artists seem to always aspire to and be crushed by: <blockquote>I'm here, wide awake again This fear is something I call a friend Hello again It's been a while since I saw you here I don't remember you saying goodbye No, It don't matter it's over Here I've been waiting All my life All this time It don't matter it's over Here I've been waiting All my life All this time Here we go, jump to the stars above So low, why do I fall to love? Hello my love This voice never called your name This boy will never be the same</blockquote> <a href="http://www.sing365.com/music/Lyric.nsf/Echo-lyrics-Vertical-Horizon/E09CB60BD1144C4048256D8E0012FE18">Echo</a> communicates some of the frustration of the artistic life. We are prophets, the only ones left, but so much of what we say is prepackaged into irrelevance and forgotten as soon as it's consumed: <blockquote>Everything I say fades out Echo, echo... We come, we go No I don't want to be just another Echo, echo...</blockquote> The last tune I'm going to mention is <a href="http://www.sing365.com/music/Lyric.nsf/Inside-lyrics-Vertical-Horizon/2B54109637D4673648256D8E0012EE1B">Inside You</a>. Right away you think it is a carnal reference, and it probably is, but the song communicates the true intimacy that that experience comes out of, the true, beautiful intimacy that humanity longs for, both with its creator and with other people. <blockquote>We're all lost We're all found We're all the same Just one heart Beats in us With different names Just one heart --different names Hold me, inside you Cause I wanna be, Inside you Inside you</blockquote> ...i changed some of the words to what I hear when i listen to it...166Elsewheredaniel2003-12-06T16:47:40+00:00publishlinkage<a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2003/12/05/notes120503.DTL&type=morford">The Hot Porn Of Pottery Barn</a> Think Abercrombie & Fitch is racy? You haven't seen these naked, nubile coffee tables the captions on the <a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object.cgi?object=/gate/pictures/2003/12/04/williamssonoma.jpg&paper=gate&file=notes120503.DTL&directory=/g/a/2003/12/05&type=morford">pictures</a> are the most hillarious thing. (via <a href="http://www.veen.com/jeff/">veen</a>). --- <a href="http://www.shelleywintersproject.com/rick/index.html">the shelley winters project -- rick berlin</a> ...amazing life. also check out weird but true. (via a friend).165Elsewheredaniel2003-12-06T16:23:36+00:00publishparadoxToday has been a day of discussing paradox. A couple more just came to me. The difference between saying "Fuck you God" vs. "Fuck God." "We all find God in our own way," being the greatest truth turned into the greatest lie.164Commentdaniel2003-12-05T21:01:39+00:00publishreal lifeJust had some meatspace time with two amazing minds that informed so much of what is going on in the world right now, and of course what is going on specifically in my life. Affirming. The kind of thing that can only occur offline. Probably going to do some work in this space about art, what it means to be an artist, a prophet, and how that positions you in this world. It ain't easy. But you don't have a choice. It's like the choice between having a soft heart and a hard heart. It's like the choice between love and ambivilence. It's like the choice between being driven for some higher purpose or just letting things go. Like I said, it ain't easy. Most people choose the later on all those. But for those of us who don't really have a choice, this work is for you.163Minutiadaniel2003-12-05T20:48:24+00:00publishin winampLauryn Hill: <blockquote><a href="http://bonniesweb.tripod.com/lauryn.html#forgive">Father Forgive Them</a> Forgive them father for they know not what they do Forgive them father for they know not what they do Beware the false motives of others Be careful of those who pretend to be brothers And you never suppose it's those who are closest to you, to you They say all the right things to gain their position Then use your kindness as their ammunition To shoot you down in the name of ambition, they do Forgive them father for they know not what they do Forgive them father for they know not what they do Why every Indian wanna be the chief? Feed a man 'til he's full and he still want beef Give me grief, try to tief off my piece Why for you to increase, I must decrease? If I treat you kindly does it mean that I'm weak? You hear me speak and think I won't take it to the streets I know enough cats that don't turn the other cheek But I try to keep it civilized like Menelik And other African czars observing stars with war scars Get yours in this capitalistic system So many caught or got bought you can't list them How you gonna idolize the missing? To survive is to stay alive in the face of opposition Even when they comin' gunnin' I stand position L's known the mission since conception Let's free the people from deception If you looking for the answers Then you gotta ask the questions And when I let go, my voice echoes through the ghetto Sick of men trying to pull strings like Geppetto Why black people always be the ones to settle March through these streets like Soweto Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus, Jesus and Judas, Backstabbers do this Forgive them father for they know not what they do Forgive them father for they know not what they do It took me a little while to discover Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves, to themselves A friend once said, and I found to be true That everyday people, they lie to God too So what makes you think, that they won't lie to you Forgive them father for they know not what they do Forgive them, forgive them Forgive them father for they know not what they do Forgive them, forgive them</blockquote><blockquote><a href="http://bonniesweb.tripod.com/lauryn.html#used">I Used to Love Him</a> As I look at what I've done The type of life that I've lived How many things I pray the father will forgive One situation involved a young man He was the ocean and I was the sand He stole my heart like a thief in the night Dulled my senses blurred my sight I used to love him but now I don't I used to love him but now I don't I chose a road of passion and pain Sacrificed too much and waited in vain Gave up my power ceased being queen Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend Torn and confused wasted and used Reached the crossroad which path would I choose Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated For something to happen that just wasn't fated Thought what I wanted was something I needed When momma said no I just should have heeded Misled I bled till the poison was gone And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn I used to love him but now I don't I used to love him but now I don't Father you saved me and showed me that life Was much more than being some foolish man's wife Showed me that love was respect and devotion Greater than planets deeper than oceans My soul was weary but now it's replenished Content because that part of my life is finished I see him sometimes and the look in his eye Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold But my heart is gold I took back my soul And totally let my creator control The life which was his to begin with I used to love him but now I don't</blockquote>Poe:<blockquote><a href="http://www.alwaysontherun.net/poe.htm#h2">Haunted</a> Come here Pretty please Can you tell me where I am You won't you say something I need to get my bearings I'm lost And the shadows keep on changing And I'm haunted By the lives that I have loved And actions I have hated I'm haunted By the lives that wove the web Inside my haunted head</blockquote<blockquote><a href="http://www.alwaysontherun.net/poe.htm#h3">Control</a> Don't you mess with a little girl's dream 'Cause she's liable to grow up mean Surprised you to find that I'm laughing? You thought that you'd find me in tears You thought I'd be crawling the walls Like a tiny mosquito and trembling in fear Well you may be king for the moment But I am a queen understand And I've got your pawns and your bishops And castles All inside the palm of my hand While you were looking the other way While you had your eyes closed While you were licking your lips 'Cause I was miserable While you were selling your soul While you were tearing a hole in me I was taking control Now I have taken control Now I have taken control... This is beginning to feel good Watching you squirm in your shoes A small bead of sweat on your brow And a growl in your belly you're scared to let through You thought you could keep me from loving You thought you could feed on my soul But while you were busy destroying my life What was half in me has become whole</blockquote>Poe is a very interesting (and beautiful) cat. She's apparently just come out of a long legal battle with her record label and is doing the independent thing. I think she is a precedent-setter, and I think we will see more small-but-big-enough-to-have-a-go-of-it acts following suit. The kind of acts you will see succeed are the ones with their own authentic ethos, the kind of something that retains fans, connects with them on a deeper level, keeps them coming out to shows and buying discs even when the market is weak and over-saturated. To describe what she went through, and also as a condemnation on the industry as a whole, <a href="http://www.realpoe.com/gallery/ramblings/thepsycho.htm">Poe wrote a story</a>. It is really good, I recommend reading it through. Poe is the one who is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0375703764/qid=1070607305/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/102-0762212-5100949">Danielewski's</a> sister (of course we all heard of Poe first with her 1995 hit, whatever it was!), and her last record, Haunted, is a concept album around House of Leaves (as well as dealing with <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0199756/">her father's</a> death...a soundbyte from him at the end of Control is amazing). In fact, they went on tour together, a combo book/music tour. Found more pictures from that today <a href="http://www.realpoe.com/updates/DM/Chapter1/04.html">here</a> (Mark), <a href="http://www.realpoe.com/updates/DM/Chapter1/05.html">here</a> (masks depicting Tad which somehow were used to set off the recordings used on the records, live), <a href="http://www.realpoe.com/updates/DM/Chapter1/08.html">here</a> (more Mark), <a href="http://www.realpoe.com/updates/DM/Chapter1/11.html">here</a> (Mark with a venti Starbucks), <a href="http://www.realpoe.com/updates/DM/Chapter1/16.html">here</a> (Mark and Poe at the public library), <a href="http://www.realpoe.com/updates/DM/Chapter1/17.html">here</a> (backstage at Jay Leno, Mark is looking tre cul but I don't think he was actually on the show, must just have been his Hollywood look), and <a href="http://www.realpoe.com/updates/14.html">here</a> (this guy read, from memory we presume, the entire HoL quote from the special version of Hey Pretty {that we only found at Salon back when we were reading the book}{from a search of my archives, I apparently never blogged about the book or those files, despite a memory for doing just such}{the one where Mark reads from the book in between sections of the song}, during a Poe concert!). Lots more good pics and stories if you surf around there a bit. Poe's <a href="http://starfileonline.com/lrgoutput/PoeXX031017R307.jpg">looking darn good these days</a> and even <a href="http://starfileonline.com/lrgoutput/PoeXX031017R306.jpg">has some ninja moves</a>.161Minutiadaniel2003-12-05T00:57:08+00:00publishdisclaimerThis is my website, and my blog, and I can say what the fuck I want to on it. The people who read my blog are a part of my extended community. Some of them have reached out to me in incredibly meaningful ways. No one has anything to fear from the truth. However it does take courage and humility to admit to and accept our own humanness. I will honor your request, however. In the meantime it sucks to be human, and I hope all my readers might understand that, even those for whom this whole human existance thing is going really well right now, even you. In the meantime I will still be mourning the loss of something that was always bigger than me, something so precious and tenuous, like life itself, beautiful. This blog is one of things I use to process that loss. I'm sorry if it offends you, but that isn't an apology.160Minutiadaniel2003-12-04T18:08:18+00:00publishRiddellWell, as you might have been able to tell, I'm going through a very difficult time right now. At the same time difficulty, true suffering, emotional or physical, not just the garden variety problems of everyday life (problems which drown in insignificance when you are dealing with real suffering), brings upon a transcendence normally unreachable in the noise of minutia. Truly important things come into an amazing clarity when you are literally as far down as you have ever been in your life. Normally we have things in our life that hold us up, before we are required to fall on Grace. Grace is humankind's last resort, as it were. What I have found is that Grace jealously desires us, some of us at any rate, and will conspire against our attempts to create a life for ourselves that doesn't require its subtle presence. It at once sucks horribly and is beautiful beyond understanding. A paradox, like most things coming from Truth--it is simply impossible for humankind to get it, all we can do is live through it and hope that in the end, when this bullshit we call life on Earth is over, we will get it, and we will be happier than we ever could have imagined. I mentioned recently that <a href="http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~mriddell/">Riddell has a new site</a>. On said site he has some fresh content, in the form of Word documents. I had downloaded them but only recently started to make my way through them, and well...wow. Riddell is one of the rare people who strikes right at the heart of that Thing that is running through me, and through all of humanity as well, IMHO, if that humanity is willing, or as I mentioned, forced, to listen for it. His words sustain me more than most during this time, and for that I am indescribably grateful. <a href="http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~mriddell/docs/spirituality_jesus_at_the_diner.doc">From</a>:<blockquote>This is a true story. Absolutely true in every respect. It just hasn't happened yet. All stories are true if you wait long enough. Someone once asked Mao-Tse-Tung if he thought the French Revolution was a success. He replied that it was too early to tell. At that stage the world cup still hadn't been played. Anyway, back to the story. This is all about what happened the day that Jesus came back. Of course everyone had been hanging about waiting for Jesus for centuries and centuries. After a while people just gave up and got on with their lives, you know what I mean. Nobody wanted to admit that they'd been stood up, but there's only so long that you can stand on the corner twiddling your thumbs. The followers of Jesus had been forced to go ahead without him. And to tell the truth, they hadn't made a bad fist of things. They'd got buildings and land and money and power; all the things in fact that Jesus hadn't quite managed in his own short period of ministry. There were universities and political parties and tourist operators and even television stations operating in his name. The church had developed rule books and rituals and all manner of fancy costumes for itself. So it was a bit of a surprise that when Jesus finally chose to return from the longest holiday in history, that he should come back in the way he did. You might have thought he would have turned up at the Vatican or Lambeth Palace or even Graceland. But no, of all the holy and revered sites on the planet, Jesus had to pick Al's Greasy Diner to show up at...</blockquote> I saw <a href="http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~mriddell/scripts.html">Jerusalem, Jerusalem</a> at Greenbelt this year, and it was the most brilliant thing I have seen all year. <a href="http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~mriddell/docs/scripts_Jerusalem.doc">The script</a> is also available on the site.<blockquote>The topic we are all called upon to address today concerns 'How to Live'. I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer it. I had intended to read you a few poems. But now that I'm standing before you I find that I've changed my mind, and instead I want to speak from my heart. Ewing came to visit me this morning, perhaps to check that I hadn't escaped to warmer climes or made off with the grocer's daughter. No such luck. He found me in bed with the prophet Jeremiah, or at least with his words as recorded in the Bible. I have come back to that part of the scriptures rather often of late. I think it is because I identify with that poor old bugger Jeremiah. He was a man preaching an unpopular message to a people who didn't want to hear it. He spoke of disease in a time when everyone considered themselves in the best of health. He felt that God had given him no choice but to speak the truth and so make himself a fool. I understand his problem. I stayed for a time in a crash pad in Wellington, and there were some words from Jeremiah daubed on the wall with blood-red paint. It was just one verse, a prayer-poem torn from the prophet's soul like a heart still beating. 'Let my head be a fountain of tears, and my eyes two springs of water, so that I can weep both day and night on account of the death wound of the daughter of my people...' It is a cry of grief; the anguish of a man who can see what those around him are blind to. And it must have echoed in the heart of the person who made it into a piece of graffiti. Perhaps it was written by a junkie. There were several who crashed in that house from time to time. They are a curious tribe, the drug-addicts. Concealing the pain of their existence behind the blank wall of boredom, seduced by the god of dreams, Morpheus. In their stoned state they seem indifferent and even callous, but I have discovered that many of them are actually people who are too sensitive to be able to tolerate the despair of the world in which they live. And so they retreat from their suffering into a womb of apathy, where they can suckle at the numb breast of narcosis. 'What pain are you talking about?' the woman behind the counter at Woolworths might ask. 'I have my ups and downs, and certainly it's not all plain sailing by any means. But by and large things are pretty good. We live in one of the best countries in the world, and milk and mutton are always cheap. Apart from a few ratbags, people are generally kind to one another and we all manage to live together, even with the Maoris. All this talk of unhappiness is stuff and nonsense. People need to buck up their ideas and get on with things.' And so she might bristle against those she regards as being self-indulgent, dismissing them as no-hopers. In one sense she is right. They are indeed people without hope. It may not always have been so. They might have started out as idealists, dreaming of a new way of living where love was the guiding star instead of money. Some of them perhaps wanted to be artists, capturing wild visions in the nets of their imagination. Others set out to build communities where people were more important than possessions. The one thing they all have in common is that the fragile craft of their yearnings ended up splintered on the rocks of a materialist society. It is because of being shipwrecked and alone that they have turned to the lotus for comfort. Somewhere buried deep inside, their dreams lie dormant. Our woman from Woolworths carries on with life oblivious to their fate. She will go home at night to light the fire and cook the dinner, and afterwards to watch television with her mute husband and fractious children. Once a week on a Saturday night she will grudgingly open her legs for her beer-drinking man, distracted by which hat she might wear to church tomorrow. She is living in a tomb and doesn't know it. The totality of her existence has come down to keeping a facade of respectability for her neighbours, and guiltily eating chocolates by the light of the flickering screen. She has lost all memory of what it was that she wanted from life. Any capacity for passion which might have once dwelt in her heart has been smothered under the suffocating weight of comfort. Sadly, her condition is not unusual. In this psychotic world of our own creation, she is normal. Normality is the opiate of choice in the suburbs. We live in a land where toasters are valued above romance; where a new car is more sought after than salvation; where Venetian blinds shut out the sight of our neighbours. We have the dubious honour of having invented a new Holy Trinity, which consists of the dollar note, respectability, and the school certificate exam. God help anyone who refuses to bow down and worship at our chromium altars. Our children are dying of loneliness and the hunger for love, while we ponder over what sort of letterbox to erect. Schizophrenics are slashing their wrists in parks at the same time as politicians are discussing what to do about the communists. Girls are going down to the ships to sell their bodies while their parents recline in their La-z-boy chairs and yawn. If that's normality then give me insanity. Jeremiah told his people that they were guilty of ignoring the springs of life which stood outside their door, instead building private tanks for themselves which were leaky and contained foul water. I don't think his message is irrelevant to us. Let me speak plainly to you. I think I am going to die before too long. I'm not looking for sympathy. I simply hope that my words might find some small nook in your hearts, so that when I am gone you may remember them. I fear that if we do not learn to love, then we will face the consequences of that choice as a nation. We will become a country where merchants rule, and where the poor are seen as a nuisance instead of our conscience. Any vestiges of compassion and dignity will wither and die, choked out by the weeds of competition. We will lose our soul somewhere between the cinema and the supermarket. Our young people will live on drugs to compensate for their disappointment, and our old people will die lonely in institutional camps called retirement homes. Communities like Jerusalem will be lost under a tidal wave of greed. Mammon will be the unchallenged master of Pig Island, and even the memory of aroha will be extinguished. This is my bad dream. I pray that it will not come to pass. I pray that some of you may join me in my fight against it. Our only weapon is that of love. The love of God; the love of ourselves; the love of each other. I'm not speaking of that parody of love which fills the minds of schoolgirls and often their teachers. I mean something deeper and more substantial. The sort of love which changes the way we live. The sort of love which has caused my friend Colin Durning to resign as a professor of dentistry here, and to go to work in a borstal instead. The sort of love which leads a woman with a crippled leg to bathe the haemorrhoids of her alcoholic partner. The sort of love which motivated Mickey Savage to open his door on a Sunday afternoon and give money to any who came looking for it. The sort of love which calls us to give up decency or job prospects for the sake of offering a spare room to a junkie prostitute. The sort of love which is prepared to lay down and die for the sake of others. </blockquote>There's a lot more to both of these pieces and a lot more on the site. I just wanted to say thanks, Mike.159Elsewheredaniel2003-12-04T13:43:12+00:00publishholy matrimony<a href="http://slate.msn.com/id/2091475/">Holy Matrimony What's really undermining the sanctity of marriage?</a> By Dahlia Lithwick @ <a href="http://slate.msn.com/">Slate</a> Fuck it, I'm posting the whole thing, with my own emphasis. Be a good person and click through to Slate for the adverts.<blockquote>Within nanoseconds of the Massachusetts Supreme Court's declaration that gay marriage is protected by the Constitution came predictions of the end of life as we know it: The president, speaking from London, warned: "Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman. Today's decision of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court violates this important principle." "The time is now. If you don't do something about this, then you cannot in 20 years�when you see the American public disintegrating and you see our enemies overtaking us because we have no moral will�you remember that you did nothing," said Sandy Rios, president of the Concerned Women for America, to her 1 million radio listeners. "We must amend the Constitution if we are to stop a tyrannical judiciary from redefining marriage to the point of extinction," Focus on the Family urged in a statement on Tuesday. Extinction, no less. The institution of marriage�the one that survived Henry VIII, Lorena Bobbitt, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson�is suddenly going to become extinct? Do you want to know what's destroying the sanctity of marriage? Phone messages like the ones we'd get at my old divorce firm in Reno, Nev., left on Saturday mornings and picked up on Monday: "Beeep. Hi? My name is Misty and I think I maybe got married last night. Could someone call me back and tell me if I could get an annulment? I'm at Circus Circus? Room�honey what room is this�oh yeah. Room 407. Thank you. Beeep." It just doesn't get much more sacred than that. Here's my modest request: If you're going to be a crusader for the sanctity of marriage�if you really believe gay marriage will have some vast corrosive, viral impact on marriage as a whole�here's a brief list of other laws and policies far more dangerous to the institution. Go after these first, then pass your constitutional amendment. 1. Divorce Somewhere between 43 percent and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. If you believe gay marriage is single-handedly eroding a sacred and ancient institution, you cannot possibly be pro-divorce. That means any legislation passed in recent decades making divorce more readily available�from no-fault statutes to the decline of adultery prosecutions�should also be subject to bans, popular referendum, and constitutional amendment. 2. Circus Circus In general, if there is blood in your body and you are over 18, you can get married, so long as you're not in love with your cousin. (Although even that's OK in some states). You can be married to someone you met at the breakfast buffet. Knowing her last name is optional. And you can be married by someone who was McOrdained on the Internet. So before you lobby to ban gay marriage, you might want to work to enact laws limiting the sheer frivolousness of straight marriage. You should be lobbying for an increase in minimum-age requirements, for mandatory counseling pre-marriage, and for statutory waiting periods before marriages (and divorces) can be permitted. 3. Birth Control The dissenters in the Massachusetts decision are of the opinion that the only purpose of marriage is procreation. They urge that a sound reason for discriminating against gay couples is that there is a legitimate state purpose in ensuring, promoting, and supporting an "optimal social structure for the bearing and raising of children." If you're going to take the position that marriage exists solely to encourage begetting, you need to oppose childlessness by choice, birth control, living together, and marriage for the post-menopausal. In fact, if you're really looking for "optimal" social structures for childrearing, you need to legislate against single parents, poor parents, two-career parents, alcoholic or sick parents, and parents who (like myself) are afraid of the Baby Einstein videos. 4. Misc. Here's what's really undermining the sacredness of modern marriage: soap operas, wedding planning, longer work days, cuter secretaries, fights over money, reality TV, low-rise pants, mothers-in-law, boredom, Victoria's Secret catalogs, going to bed mad, the billable hour, asshole Bosnian men who seduce your wife, that stubborn 7 pounds, the Wiggles, Internet chat rooms, and selfishness. In fact we should start amending the Constitution to deal with the Wiggles immediately. Here's why marriage will likely survive last week's crushing decision out of Massachusetts: Because despite all the horrors of Section 4, above, human beings want and deserve a soul mate; someone to grow old with, someone who thinks our dopey entry in the New Yorker cartoon competition is hilarious, and someone to help carry the shopping bags. Gay couples have asked the state to explain why such privileges should be denied them and have yet to receive an answer that is credible. The decision to make a marriage "sacred" does not belong to the state�if the state were in charge of mandating sacredness in matrimony, we'd have to pave over both Nevada and Jessica Simpson. We make marriage sacred by choosing to treat it that way, one couple at a time. We make marriage a joke by treating it like a two-week jungle safari. There is no evidence that gay couples are any more inclined toward that latter course than supermodels, rock stars, or that poor spineless bald man on Who Wants to Marry My Dad? There's good evidence that most of them will take the commitment very seriously, as do the rest of us. There will be more "sanctity" in marriage when we recognize that people of all orientations can make sacred choices. Good for Massachusetts for recognizing that truth.</blockquote>(via <a href="http://www.dooce.com/archives/reading/12_02_2003.html">Dooce</a>)157Elsewheredaniel2003-12-03T18:11:43+00:00publish{}<blockquote>Been toe to toe too long, I'm tired of fighting You I see You were too strong, cause I am black and blue But now I understand a losers due to win How every dying man is sure to rise again So I raise my left hand one, I raise my right hand too Under the morning sun, my spirit cries to You Okay, hear what I say As I raise my hands in surrender today Right here Under the sun Hands in the air, singing Thy will be done</blockquote><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000000V4W/ref=m_art_li_2/102-0762212-5100949?v=glance&s=music">#</a> <a href="http://pub188.ezboard.com/fthewaitingzonefrm1">and i was wondering what happened to them</a>156Minutiadaniel2003-12-03T17:30:56+00:00publishno alarm clock needed How long do the nightmares about them go on for? 155Minutiadaniel2003-12-03T12:49:07+00:00publishrandomI had this spiritual thought today. Just the one. Heheh. I have my problems. I have things in my life that aren't right. {Big huge surprise, right?} I have some deep rooted rejection issues that have made me be stupid in relationships and stuff {not as stupid as some, and that is some comfort}. The thing is, I know about my issues, I know where I need to change, and I am changing {nothing like having your wife leave you to really force you to deal with rejection}. Then I had the thought that pride is a unique sin {hate that word, but let's face it, that's what I'm talking about here}, because it is the only self-reinforcing one. Pride keeps you from dealing with your pride. Maybe this is why <a href="http://www.danielsjourney.com/index.php?file=2003_11.xml&id=106">God seems to beat the pride horse so much, really seems to hate it more than other stuff</a>. "You're proud." "No I'm not. But you are humble." "Humilated might be a better term." "Ha! See? No you're not! You can't be humble if you admit to it." "Yeah, they gave me a humble button once, but they took it away because I wore it." {ed. - this line is a total rip-off} <a href="http://biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?passage=ISA+66:1-3&language=english&version=NIV&showfn=on&showxref=on">Somewhere in the good book it {God, we suppose} says</a>, "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit." Just trying to figure out what good that esteem does us in the meantime. 'Cause the meanies seem to be winning down here, don't know if you noticed there God. ... I know the whole blog-crush meme is so done, but I only have one.<blockquote>self-esteem, like the thickness of my wallet, is variable... but yeah, so the self-esteem thing. i've got it, ya know? i really do. and of course it goes dippitydipdown sometimes, but i have really great friends and a really great family and a really great support system, blahblah. i love <s>you</s> me,</blockquote><a href="http://thatbrokengirl.blogspot.com/2003_12_01_thatbrokengirl_archive.html#107038755911558738">#</a> ... So <a href="http://miniette.blogspot.com/2003_11_30_miniette_archive.html#107038683612943089">make me laugh and blush</a> and thanks for...for small pieces I can't even put into words right now. ... I retract statements about inhospitality being <a href="http://www.danielsjourney.com/index.php?file=blog_2003_03_22.xml&id=6">specific</a> to <a href="http://www.danielsjourney.com/index.php?file=blog_2002_12_02.xml&id_pass=2">America</a>. I have learned otherwise...grace is a gift given only from the knowledge of its eternal existance and availability to us...an inner knowledge that people the world over own or lack regardless of nationality or religion. ... The shortest prayer: "Jesus."154Minutiadaniel2003-12-02T12:27:51+00:00publishum, yeah...this seemed to amuse some of the <a href="http://carriage.blogspot.com/">local community</a> here today. i was getting a barrage of emails concerning a discussion group (and oh yes it was a discussion group) to meet tonight under the same roof i currently inhabit, and this was my response:<blockquote>I am in understanding of my position as an outsider, yet, in order to be interested in such a pseudo-intellectual bullshit session masked in wonderful new vocabularies of nothingness, I would, in all seriousness, need to be met with itineraries, on paper, mandatorily including but not limited to: instructions on where and how to purchase said book (assuming your organization has an Amazon Associates ID or is affiliated with a particular local or national chain brand for literary purchases), weekly reading requirements by chapter, Bible verse cross-references of at least 10 items per session, abstracts concerning the planned discussion topics and direction, assignment of discussion leaders/facilitators, food and drink responsibility assignments (of course, rotating per session as not to unduly burden any particular parties), location assignments (ditto) and directions/maps, additional reading/references and indication of mandatory/voluntary discovery of such, tobacco and other pharmaceutical consumption arrangements before/during/after such meetings, and last but certainly not least an agreement concerning the arrangement method/specifics (gender/orientation/fetish) of any adult entertainment/activities that may be included/obtained/retained. Thank you for understanding my needs as a seeker. </blockquote>the advantage of my place in life right now is that i can be unabashedly cynical and fuck you to just about everything the presumes meaning from any place above completely broken. i found the correct prep for the above referenced discussion was to be as drunk as possible, then go outside and smoke cigs and talk on the phone for the duration.153Minutiadaniel2003-12-02T06:08:00+00:00publishtheyblinked on {essentially, trickster}I blog only because it is so fucking good and worth repeating and you might have missed it, in small gray text as it was.<blockquote>Money corrupts conscience in all large organizations. That is my brash lead in sentence. Now strike the literal, unilateral reading of those seven words and follow me for a moment. There are different issues that drive organizations based directly on their celebrity quotient. Remuneration drives celebrity--whether it is an author with a best-selling book or an international charitable organization with a broad donor base. Denominated in capital or influence celebrity has always to consider the constituencies it services. This plays itself out in the inoffensive formal speech that placates the donor or the target group with a soothing communicative marketing narcotic that stands for nothing; that says nothing that is not already expected. This is why the prophet is never an integral part of the established order. This is why the artist is only post-humously celebrated. They are close enough to be a part of the system, but different enough to call into question that which gives legitimacy to those at the behest of the system that gives them privilege at the expense of others. There is a way of speaking that differentiates those seeking the remunerative approval of a broad constituency and those speaking to disclose the jagged moment as naked as they have encountered it. In truth we are all betwixt these two--stretched thin along the continuums of acceptance and critique; of governance and rebellion; of community and otherness that identify the stands we take; the strands we weave that make explicit our identity within the larger patterns that have long been marked into the surface of the mobius quilt of our carbon existence.</blockquote><a href="http://www.theyblinked.com/blog/2003_11_23_theyblinked_archive.html#107002274874989243">#</a>152Quotabledaniel2003-12-01T22:02:23+00:00publishnew mirror project sub<a href="http://mirrorproject.com/mirror/?id=19731">bespoke tailor</a>151Imaginingdaniel2003-12-01T17:15:29+00:00publishtherapy<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0146882/">High Fidelity</a>, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/">Swingers</a> and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112471/">Before Sunrise</a>, with <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169547/">American Beauty</a>, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0307901/">25th Hour</a> and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0280059/">Rage Against the Machine</a> thrown in for good measure. And <a href="http://www.bonhoeffer.com/">bonhoeffer</a>... <blockquote><img src="http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:DpHjdyq8KdEC:www.queriniana.it/utilita/immagini/busto.gif" align="left" />We have been silent witnesses of evil deeds: we have been drenched by many storms; we have learnt the arts of equivocation and pretence; experience has made us suspicious of others and kept us from being truthful and open; intolerable conflicts have worn us down and even made us cynical. Are we still of any use?</blockquote> <blockquote>Only the one for whom the final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom, his virtue, but who is ready to sacrifice all these, when in faith and sole allegiance to God he is called to obedient and responsible action: the responsible person, whose life will be nothing but an answer to God's question and call.</blockquote> I'll have more to say about that later. Misc: <a href="http://www.google.com/search?q=%22*+is+the+great+social+equalizer%22+-education">"*+is+the+great+social+equalizer"+-education</a> (from comments on <a href="http://diveintomark.org/archives/2003/12/01/aggregators">this post</a>)150Minutiadaniel2003-12-01T03:25:06+00:00publish